Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
