i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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