it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
