she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
