Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
