I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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