that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I will be naked everywhere
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
