The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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