It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
