Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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