Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
