Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet he comes in French.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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