Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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