I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
