The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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