You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize