i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.