What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.