birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
