At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.