I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.