everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?