hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
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Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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