Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize