He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
