I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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