Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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