yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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