Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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