Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
