Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
