just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
