I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
