Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
