I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
