I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
