He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
