I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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