woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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