I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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