and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize