there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
