He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
