I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
