i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you would pick up someone in the library
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
