I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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