I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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