I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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