____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?