she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.