just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water