I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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