I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face