My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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