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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  dollar beers will do that to you.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.

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• (916): View more from California

  Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (207): View more from Maine

  It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now

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• (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Like really drunk?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees

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• (707): View more from California

  He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type

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• (714): View more from California

  He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.

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