I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO