help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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