I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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