Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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