I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
