My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
