There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
