I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
