we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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