soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
