Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
