I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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