I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
