I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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