After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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